*____I just want to be happy___

Saturday, May 29, 2010

hmm I am bored...

I visited temple today and played the rest of the day. I shall try my very best to play and not get addicted to any games. I hope I can ><

Addiction is bad.

I realise I spent alot of time thinking about life and things that go on. I sort of come to a conclusion that balance is indeed very important. I need to continue to reflect, be mature and rational yet indulge in my own childhood like fantasy. =D

I like being alone but I dislike being lonely... hope that there are always people who truly cares.

singing to the wind[12:06 am]

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Wednesday, May 26, 2010

ohh I am very tired today.

I tried my very best to stay awake during the 3h+ of cca today and I made it.
But I was so tired that I wouldn't even walk straight. I experienced failed attempts trying to sleep and walk at the same time ><

Sometimes when I look at myself and my friends I will wonder.. people are much busier and diligent than me why do I seem anomaly tired .. seem that my tiredness is not proportional to my workload >< maybe its my low efficiency and productivity.

Oh wells

hmm I am trying not to sigh so as to not kill my brain cells.

luckily tmr only have chem class quiz and bio class quiz = no need to study >.<
sometimes I feel guilty that I actually have this kind of mindset. I hope my classmates won't condemn me or anything ^^

Oh I am now eating the red bean beancurd that my parents dabao for me for dessert. Although I am very full I really appreciate their love. Contentment =D

I guess life is meaningful when simple things make you happy. I shall express my gratitude to all that have brightened my day and stay by my side when I needed comfort as well =D

* Happy moments *

haha oh wells I shall end off by saying: pls left a comment before u leave this blog, as your words will definitely bring another smile on earth =)

singing to the wind[9:12 pm]

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Monday, May 24, 2010

mood : reminiscence and relaxed

I am so glad I survived today =D and very happy that I miraculously survived this term.. almost. Haiz now its half a year into JC life. Things are moving real fast. I really hope I can treasure this time of life.. which probably is the last innocent stage of life. Hope that i can actually maintain this delicate touch with child hood innocence even when I grow older.

I hope that everything around can remain in such simple state. And life can be a simple and wonderful journey for us to enjoy. I like to spend time outdoors gazing up at the sky and relaxing my mind and body. Maybe I am more of a 'nature' person. I love greenery and azure blue sky. Life can actually be that marvelous. I like the moon; I like the clouds; I especially like the wind. It can blow away my troubles.

Loving life.

singing to the wind[9:31 pm]

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

It seems that the peaks of happiness doesn't last very long...
Recently I realised that I have never passed any interview and I wonder what is wrong with me. Opportunities often come and go and I can't seem to be able to grasp it in my hand. Such things are just too fleeting. It keeps giving me false hopes.
I really hope I can pass the next interview coming up.
I need to get serious about the things I want. 2 years in JC is going to pass very soon, I hope I can graduate and tell myself I have not regreted how I spent my 2 years in Hwachong.

I shall try my best and remain hopeful. I dunwan to graduate and accomplish nothing in the years. I'll work hard for what I want and pray that I get them...

Although whether I get it or not I am still me, I still live the same life.. sometimes I wonder if it really makes a difference.. seriously I do not know.

I always ask myself who I am and what I really want.. I dun want to be next to nothing other than grades. I hope to do something meaningful in life.

I hope the hopes won't remain as hopes.

Jiayou! I can do it!

singing to the wind[6:52 pm]

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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

yay math test is over although i am afraid to say that it got screwed up >< again
oh wells
but still I am in a happy mood today!!!
haha maybe not that happy but good enough
I miss nanyang the old days where we can go to the comics corner of the library and lie on the floor (carpet) to read

hmm.. now there are guys around then we have to be more prim and proper
cannot really let our hair down when we feel like it
( i mean the figurative meaning though)

oh still i spend one hour in the library reading comics
I believe life is definitely more than studying
I have decided that I'll do things according to my mood cos there is no point in doing things according to other people's expectations .. there is simply no meaning I can find in it

of course my mood isnt random i am still rational enough though
heehee

hmm another whimsical mood day

I see that the recent blogging activity seem to document my mood swings haha

actually doing things according to my mood makes me explore deeper into my soul asking myself if i really wanted to do what i am doing now

i learn more about who i am day by day
i guess i desire freedom from rules and expectations
i dream about lying on the grass one day and look up at the sky and saying life is great
i guess nature makes me happy
cos to me it represent the sense of limitless

another thing i realised while reading during the weekends is that youths (including me) are crying out a deeper need to be recognised loved and cared for. maybe that is a contributing factor to my mood swings ^^ i am still a youth .. i hope.. afterall

haha ohwell pardon my grammar though cos i never care abt those details while blogging too tedious ^^

i shall end off again with a happy note ^^ and hope it will last =D

yay!

singing to the wind[8:59 pm]

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Monday, May 17, 2010

yesterday I originally wanted to post something; some idea of mischief but I gave up the idea after some thought. cos it might get me into some sort of trouble ^^

today I got home with an realisation
I decided that I am going to take things easy on myself and learn to take things in stride i guess I am refering to me not studying for math now ><

I decided that grade shouldnt be the thing that represent who I am

I am who I am regardless of grade
I need to learn to enjoy life

Of course I'll still have to get back to studying after declaring this new dogma of my life

oh wells I shall update on my dogma tmr
after the much dreaded math test tmr

Jiayous

Yay I am looking forward to the end of this entire term of tests ^^

finally i end off with a positive note after feeling depressed for the past few days

smilies ^^

singing to the wind[7:01 pm]

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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Sometimes I feel that I am ranting too much ><
I know
But I am not exactly in total control of my neurons
sometimes my brain is clouded with too many emotions
I can't be rational all the time

Maybe I should seriously learn to let go ...

Here is a quote I saw today:
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid

Jiayou!

singing to the wind[11:28 am]

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Thursday, May 13, 2010

I feel guilty of slacking..
Sometimes I feel that I seem useless compared to my friends

Inferior complex kicking in

I realise I need some comfort for screwing up chem and econs
I feel quite bad
I spend time studying but my heart is not totally into studying
Sometimes I wonder whats the point of studying so hard

Haiz

I guess I just need to spend sometime venting my pent up unhappiness with myself
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I need some comfort
maybe I should go find some free hugs

ahh

hmm I should seriously be more positive about myself
maybe I just need to tell myself that I am not that bad afterall
maybe I am just not as good

maybe I just need someone to talk to...

ahh
I shall only be sad for this long
after I post this post I shall revert back to a more positive self ^^

Jiayou
I can do it =D

singing to the wind[8:37 pm]

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Sometimes its kind of a difficult and painful decision to make but I didn't exactly regret it cos I know its the right thing to do. Sometimes I ask myself if its realy worth it but oh wells.

I seriously shouldn't be blogging.. when I have econs lecture test on thurs and I haven't started studying. + the countless homework that are waiting to be yikes

I hope I can concentrate..

singing to the wind[8:56 pm]

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Saturday, May 08, 2010

Haha I realised I only posted twice in 2009 and I am going to break the record ^^

Hmm oh here is a new bloskin designed by me
Sometimes I wonder why I am doing all this when chem and econs lecture test are next week ><

I wonder if anyone actually knows.
I like to dance alot, especially contemporary.. but I won't say that I am good in it
I was looking through some of the SYTYCD videos
and I thought I should upload some of the videos that I like =D
to fill up the space and remove the 2008 posts

My favourite dancers so far are Travis and Katee from different seasons =D

singing to the wind[12:09 pm]

I guess its a weird time for me to update my blog..
Oh wells, I feel like I am talking to myself
Anyway, I am just randoming here.
This blog seems to have transformed from a personal diary to a platform for me to experiment with my blogskin designing and html skills ><

Things have progressed alot whole since I last posted.
Maybe I should actually keep a record of my life using this blog.
Hmm.

Things around me have changed quite alot and I am not a person that is comfortable with changes. But I understand that change is the only constant in life ><

Well after graduating from Nanyang and entering Hwachong, the study environment changed, emphasing alot more on self motivation, discipline and independence. However, I am thankful to have a group of friends still staying with me.

I secretly hope that my existence mean something to people around, not just a fleeting figure in life. But a true friend.

I realise I reflect alot on things around me ... and I am always in a whimsical randoming mood.. S

So pardon the content or grammar errors if any ^^ Cos I don't check through what I wrote =D

singing to the wind[11:55 am]

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