*____I just want to be happy___

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I am really impressed by these teenage youtube singers who rewrote and produced the popular song by Nelly all by themselves from production to piano background. It definitely takes loads of hard work, effort and a myriad of talents to be able to create such wonderful music. I realised that people can be talented in many ways and I am special in my own right. :D

singing to the wind[1:27 pm]

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Friday, July 29, 2011

初雪伊人

叶落后的宁静；
沉默的自在
两人仰望天空时
自然中得快乐

初霜时的美丽
心情的激动
两人第一次触碰时
霎那间的感动

This was the poem I wrote last year. It is nothing impressive but it somehow got my attention as I sieved through my archives earlier on. In retrospect, I thought this poem aptly described the romantic feeling of first time falling in love. Although I have never fallen in love before, I thought the 情境 should be rather accurate from my experiences in watching dramas ^^. Anyway I do wonder how does it feel like to fall in love, I guess I know how it feels. I believe it will probably feel similar to the feeling I have towards my family. I feel happy for the little things they do for me; I smile at myself when I am reminded of their funny moments etc. The main difference is likely to be the lack of excitement and anxiety that make the heart leap, palpitate and grow fonder.

I believe I am not mature enough to understand what is true love. But from what I know, love requires a balance between giving and taking. To love we must be willing to give up something for our love ones. Love cannot be selfish. I am really fortunate to be lavished with love by my parents and I should all the more do something in return, however minuscule it might be.

The discussion on love and relationship brings me to the main point of today's post. The 'promblem' as benji described. I don't know whether I feel bad about trying to avoid sitting with a certain someone. I know it too well how it feels like to be ostracized and left out deliberately. Surely, it hurts. But I kept asking myself why I was being treated like that. Although I didn't figure out the answer I knew I probably have a part to play in resulting in my misery then. After that I tried to change, to be more friendly and cheerful. Although I might not have succeed but I still make the constant effort to reflect and improve. Sometimes I hope people can tell me straight in the face (not too bluntly) what they don't like about me so I can change for the better, cos I have many blind spots. I would really like to discuss with the certain someone the problem between us or the problem between her and the rest of our classmates so that our relationship can improve. But I lack the courage to do so.

Sometimes I feel that being overly self-conscious is self-defeating.

singing to the wind[11:11 pm]

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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I realised one thing after going to all the careers talk hosted by successful alumnus of Hwachong that one must make sacrifices in order to achieve. Sometimes I just can't help but be amazed at the long list of achievements each of them got and I can't imagine the amount of effort and hard work put in by them all these years. Other than that, I realise the people who come back to Hwachong to speak to us emanates passion in their chosen field in every way. As I look up to them in awe, I feel less and less certain that I will be able to reach that point.

I guess I really need to grow up and gain some maturity and independence. For most of my life, things are not that hard. I have never really put in a whole lot of effort to achieve anything. I think I need to stop having the 'I don't feel like doing anything' kind of mindset cos I will not always get the luxury of that option. Devoting an entire life to a medical career is hard right from the begining. Will that deter me from going into that or rather am I up to it? I don't know but I hope I'll figure out the answer soon.

singing to the wind[9:29 pm]

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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."
-Unknown

Earlier on, I was just wondering if I should ever give my very best for anything. I am always afraid that giving my all will result in me having nothing left and if u think about long run concepts, it might not be very economical. Consider that if you stay up late every night to mug and ruin your body, you are not going to get it back. I guess the point is learning how to balance between cherishing yourself and the people around you and putting in 100% effort to chase after your dreams.

I believe in the saying 'we are only human' however being only humans does not limit our potential. We have to embrace our merits and flaws to learn how to make the best out of it. There is strength in self-belief so have faith in ourselves. Together we shall create a legacy :D.

singing to the wind[3:46 pm]

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Monday, July 11, 2011

Avril Lavigne: Innocence

Waking up I see that everything is okay

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect, please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear

The first time in my life and now it's so clear

Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here

It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay

This moment is perfect, please don't go away

I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful, it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry

This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away

'Cause I need you now

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliant, it's so beautiful, it's so beautiful

This moment is perfect, please don't go away

I need you now, it makes me want to cry

And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I have always liked this song. Even though the theme may be neglected or even forgotten in today's materialistic world. I love the simplicity of the theme. The purity of innocence. Life could have been so much simpler. Feeling philosophical at the moment. Staring at the night sky and contemplating my place in the universe. I shall stay contented.

singing to the wind[6:54 pm]

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Sunday, July 10, 2011

I realise only perhaps watching a movie or reading a book can take my mind off the many troubles. I am not very busy and do not have much to worry about but I just can't control how stress I feel. I feel helpless at this situation. Stress is counterproductive and I shouldn't be feeling stress when I am doing nothing important at the moment. Is there any way to relieve the tension? I realise any relief is rather temporary, I guess to truly free myself of worries is to let go.

But letting go is easier said than done. I don't know when will I finally learn how to release the tight grip I have on my dreams and expectation and let my spirit fly. Like a dandelion... along with the winds.

singing to the wind[9:07 pm]

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Saturday, July 09, 2011

Sometimes I wonder why human behaviour is so different from our animal counterparts. The animal world is a candid, cruel world, governed by instincts and the natural law of 'survival of the fittest'. But at the same time, there are love, kinship and friendship. The human world, however, is much more complex. Relationships are multi-layered and true personality is hidden beneath layers of masks.

Things work in a totally different way. It kind of gets me wondering whether what is natural is definitely right. Well, these are just some random thoughts after watching Nat Geo Wild for the entire afternoon.If there is a chance, I hope to visit some wildlife national park in US or Africa... so exciting.

I don't know what to say about my disappointing results. Actually I feel more angry than sad. Angry at myself for being too lazy, too lousy, too careless and too panicky. But I shan't wallow in self-blaming. I know why I did so badly, I should try and perhaps try harder than mere feeble efforts to avoid my usual pit-falls.

I realise I am an epitome of procrastination. I always tell myself that I don't have time to do my bio notes and the next moment I log on to facebook. Shouldn't I do something about this? I ought to put in more efforts in my work. The consequence of laziness and procrastination is all over my BT results. I expected not to do well but I didn't expect it to be like this. Stay positive and start doing something about it now!!!

singing to the wind[5:12 pm]

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Thursday, July 07, 2011

I decided to delete the previous three posts from my blog, as it reeks of negative energy. Haiz since BT2 is over, it marks another fresh start. This time round, a harder journey to go through. Every now and then I like to do the colorgenics test, as it somehow always reflects mostly what I feel at the particular moment. It often offers another perspective of who I am that I may not know and provides sound advice as to what can I do from here on.

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard. (Poignantly true)

You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).
In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no-one to turn to or rely on. But as matters stand you realise that you will have to make the best of things as they are. (This point and the successive one are the same as the previous result.. Hmm)

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions. (haha maybe not that extreme, but yeah)

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material. (The first two line perhaps, but 'decisive and proud' hmm maybe not)

I need to rest and have some time to recharge and reorganise. I hope that I can learn the lessons from blocks and not make the same mistakes again. The sun rises everyday and life goes on. Jiayou and make the best out of it =D

singing to the wind[6:25 pm]

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