*____I just want to be happy___

Monday, December 26, 2011

It occured to me that many times people, like us, expect too much and give too little. We have high hopes which ends up in disappointment more often. We become so vulnerable, so fragile. To get hurt too easily.

It's time I start putting together a little armor, to protect the fragile heart within. So it wouldn't hurt so much if I happen to fall. I guess I'm learning. To face my weakness, my flaws. The things I used to hide away from. I guess to grow up you have to conquer your fears. And to do so you have to first face it. I am far from achieving that but I am learning.

Okay, I guess this is too much life philosophy for a juvenile soul today... See ya

singing to the wind[9:46 pm]

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Friday, December 23, 2011

Frankly speaking, I don't feel happy lately.

I do want to go out and take a breather. Listen to the waves, lying on the beach. Maybe it is wash away some of my unhappiness. I really hope to fly kites. And let the wind bring my spirits higher into the sky along with the kite. Though I seldom get the chance. In fact, I never had a chance to fly a decent kite. Well, the weather didn't permit any of this lately. I do not dislike rainy days. In fact, I like the feeling of the rain pouring heavy onto the roof and I am safe and sound inside my house. (Woman I suppose need such feeling of security) But, prolonged gloomy weather does make me feel a little gloomy.

I know I am not supposed to feel unhappy. I ought to be contented with my life now. A levels is over. I have all the time to slack around and play games all day. I suppose I should be thankful at such peaceful life. But emotions are difficult to control. I cannot blame my life for being meaningless, after all I chose it. I choose to stay at home or go shopping. I choose not to occupy myself with meaningful and engaging activities, because I am lazy. But I cannot keep out the feeling of emptiness. Of loneliness.

Everytime I see people or more specifically couples among my friends posting their sweet moments on facebook, I feel this terrible feeling of inferiority and loneliness. It's not envy or jealousy. Just emptiness. I suppose I am getting into some sort of existentialist argument over here.

(I guess the Ethan Hunt craze didn't last very long for me)

singing to the wind[10:26 pm]

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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Haha oh my god... I am going crazy over my new idol. Haha another crazy fangirling episode that is supposedly unlike me but its me. ok I need to go out soon. I shall come back and post my fanatasing whimsies after i return. XD

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haha ok I am back.
Hmm I just watched Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol yesterday. I think this is the first MI films that I have watched and I immediately fell in love with Agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise). The film is superb. Full of action and fun. I especially admire Tom Cruise for his charisma and charm. I think this is a film that I will definitely watch again. I like his character in the film. His bravery, his confidence, and his loyalty to friends and country. His skills and wit as well. But I wonder why he seems to rely on his hunch quite a lot.

You know I am trying hard not to destroy my image here. But I really idolise him. OMG. He is so cool!!! I shall share some pictures of the film and my idol here. :)

Oh btw the stunts in the movie were amazing. The scenes were mind blowing. Very fast paced and well shot ^^

My sister insist that fangirling is embarrassing and unrealistic. Well, I suppose. But it spice up my mundane life a little. I shall watch another movie soon. I like the feeling of satisfaction after a good movie.

singing to the wind[12:49 pm]

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Monday, December 19, 2011

My life is so monotonous lately that there is no much meaning in writing about them. Oh anyway, do you know the title of my prom photo album on facebook has several meanings. Not especially significant but it does remind me of Vincent. It gives me a nice feeling everything I recall that.

I shall continue idling I guess.

I want to volunteer. Hmm. Oh wells. I want to learn piano, maybe jazz or ballet? Haha I shall continue day dreaming for the time being. Argh

singing to the wind[10:18 pm]

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

有时我会停下来想一想，我是不是天天在这里虚度光阴。我发现我经常会想做一件事但心有余而力不足。或者说，我太懒，情愿天天过着颓废的日子也不愿意花点心思做些有意义的事。之前的大计划都是假的。我。。。咳。。。

我暂时的借口是读书时太no life 了，所以现在趁此机会尽情放纵一下，不，应该是很多下。算了吧，我知道我读书时也很slack，这借口根本不成立。不过不要紧，慢慢来吧。

我不该这样钻牛角尖，心胸豁达一点吧。

有时候，我会想人常常因为一时之气或一时冲动而做错事。太可惜。我们是不是应该多往好的方面想，少点猜忌，多点忍让，学一下什么叫退一步海阔天空。

（我发现打中文很难）>< haha

singing to the wind[6:35 pm]

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Sunday, December 11, 2011

I wonder if people lose their innocence as they grow up. I realise dogs and children connect people who never knew each other. I suppose it's their unassuming pure simplicity and innocence. I hope I would not lose these qualities when I grow up. Maybe buried within. I guess sometimes the harshness of reality shatter that childhood naivety and idealism. It's kind of sad.

I suppose if certain things can't be avoided, they are meant to be taken in stride. Whatever it is, I shall believe that there is still beauty in this world and it is meant to be cherished and appreciated.

I don't exactly enjoy being stuck in a rat race to fight for the coveted top position. I prefer quiet days, listening to bird chirping and my dog sniffing around. Maybe life in the countryside suits me better (But I can't stand insects) oh wells.

hahh.. I think the days of shopping, eating out and sleeping have made me grown horizontally. I hope I can still fit my dress. I ought to live a more active and meaningful life. haha oh wells.

singing to the wind[1:31 pm]

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Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I have been out the entire day for the past three days. The feeling is kinda surreal. I haven't done some serious thinking for quite a while. I can feel my brain degenerating. I have been having bizarre dreams for the past few days. So queer that they can out-compete the Hongkong drama plots I follow. I want to do something serious. And I ought to plan for my future. I understand that there is nothing in the world that you can be perfectly comfortable doing. There will always be aspects of the job that I don't like. The point is to make the best out of whatever choice I decide to take on. I should go out and experience life as adult. After all, this is the transition stage of my growing up process. I should not stay at home and hibernate with my pc games and miss that metamorphosis process.

I still maintain an idealistic outlook of life but deep down I understand the harshness of reality. I know things won't always go your way. You have to give and take. I want to find my calling. Find my destiny.

Sorry if this post is incoherent. I admit I am confused about my future and I would need a long time to figure it out. Help is of course appreciated but I don't and won't expect anything.

singing to the wind[1:04 pm]

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Friday, December 02, 2011

Yes freedom is sweet.

But there is a tinge of gloominess in my mood. There are many things that I could have done better. But everything is over now and I can only hope that it is all going to be fine. I do admit that I feel a little lost all of a sudden. Not exactly sure of what to do. My future seems so foggy. I don't know what destiny will lead me to in this next stage of my life. My friends all seem to be right on track to pursue their ambitions and I am stuck down here. How am I going to spend the rest of my life? What if I don't get the scholarships I want, the university I prefer, the course I love? So is that it?

Should I fight for the things I want? Do I even know what I want? Am I just going to be a ordinary person for the rest of my life. The fact is destiny is not going to do everything for me. These are the things I need to fight for myself. I need to think through thoroughly.

Shall try to find the voice within and listen to my heart. Do something meaningful and do it well.

singing to the wind[9:05 pm]

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