*____I just want to be happy___

Monday, April 30, 2012

I really should throw aside all the comparison with my super-capable friends and stop trying so hard to live up to the norm or expectation. I shouldn't let those considerations of pay and prospects get in the way. I ought to just have faith in what my heart tells me. Forge ahead and don't look back.

hahh I want to live each day purposefully, doing what I love, for the people I love :D

singing to the wind[9:21 pm]

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Thursday, April 26, 2012

I realise
I cry too easily...

I keep my tear silent.

At times like this, I just want to be left alone.
生人勿近

singing to the wind[11:25 pm]

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Calm down and breathe slowly.

I am really quite stuck, unsure of what to choose because each choice will lead to a very different future. The uncertainty of my choices is causing quite a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I question my decision to stay in Singapore. Because I will be wasting my conditional and unconditional offers. Yes I admit I am afraid to sink into the ordinary while my friends come back from the ivy league unis. I guess this shows that I have yet to appreciate the true meaning of life. I tried but I have not yet been able to internalise the fact the fame, glory and wealth are superficial. With the pressure of people around me I really can't stand by that noble school of thought.

The difficult choice between prospects and interest. Healthcare or engineering. Everything I researched on the net is not encouraging. I found that the pay of pharmacists is around 3000-4000 and probably wouldn't have high yearly increment. Plus long working hours and work stress aren't helping as well. On the other hand, chem engineers have salary revolving around 5000 and that's a lot of difference. Either contract I choose to sign, I will have to stick with the decision for life. Yes I love Bio and Chem, physiology and pharmacology above all. If I do pharmacy, I'll probably enjoy Uni but will I enjoy the job? My experience in the healthcare industry shows me that pharmacists and doctors usually see the same old diseases most of the time. Only once in a blue moon you'll see some rare interesting disease. Will my passion tide my though all the downsides of the job? Will I survive day after day of dispensing medicine and advising patients the same old thing? Well But I do have to acknowledge that every job has a routine and repetitive nature so I probably can't run away from that.

I probably wouldn't hate the job of a chem engineer. I guess I can survive but I would probably regret not taking physics and letting my math standard slide. But I would have to give up my long time interest in the human body. Haha maybe I should do research, since I have such an active academic interest. But I am cautious of doing a PhD because that will restrict your life to basically research and teaching. The problem is should I do what I like or like what I do.

Haiz the paradox of choice. I hope I can be spared from choosing.

The problem is exacerbated because I have yet to find the thing that whole me together rooted to the ground. The optimum state is to really what I love and end up excelling it. I mean I love learning about physiology. I love the content subjects. It is like a hunger inside me that drives me to devour the bulk of knowledge in those areas. I love to gain knowledge but I am uncertain of my ability to create knowledge. Which is why I think my passion isn't of much direct use. I need to learn to direct it to some economically productive endeavours. So where? That's the question.

Haha sorry if this post appears like an analysis or essay. I am trying to break things down to comprehensible bits to aid decision making. I probably will do well as an analyst if it din require that much maths. Well up till now I am very much still undecided. Stuck right in the middle. I guess I can only try to read up more and hopefully that will shed some light on my heart's desire.

singing to the wind[9:51 pm]

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Saturday, April 21, 2012

Hi people,
well now that most of the applications and interviews are over, we can finally relax a bit. I actually I wonder if I might get sacked for taking so many leaves already. I really got to be thankful for everything. Anyway just asking if anybody is interested in a half-day yacht trip around Singapore on 26 May with my family, my other friends and my sister's friends. It's free just come along :), do drop me a msg or a tag. I want to go on holiday so badly. But I am stuck in Singapore since Dec, working and working ><

Plus, Chunen and I are planning a trip to Taiwan sometimes late may or June, anybody interested? I would really like to go Korea with Rachel they all but it's too soon, I can't get leave. Hmm, I wish to take a break and go 郊游 heehee. I hope to visit the scenic spots and indulge in the beauty of nature. Hahh the thought of it is so enticing ;D

singing to the wind[12:49 pm]

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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Sometimes life is very mysterious. It throws you queer things, well... As I bask in my somewhat pleasant mood, I am constantly reminded of how fortunate the bunch of us in the 'elite' circle are. As we are fretting over our university and scholarship apps and wondering what our future behold, there are people out there who would not be able to live normally for the rest of their lives. I have numerous children with congenital problems. Like duchenne muscular dystrophy, cerebral palsy, epilepsy among many others. I feel especially sad for the cp kids with fits and spasms. I can't imagine how tough is it spending the entire life unable to live independently. For the severe cases, the children can't walk, they have to sit on trams. The bodies contorted, muscles constricted tightly. It pains me to see them like this. It's sad but it is also very touching to witness the noble and selfless love showered by parents. Most of the parents with cp children care for them tirelessly all the way to 20+ of age, looking after even the smallest detail. The sad thing is as the parents age and struggle with the chores, eventually nobody would be able to take care of the patient. I really don't know if there is anything I could do. Well, I am glad to have taken up this job. Although it is rather tiring, I really widen my understanding of people from different walks of life quite a bit.

singing to the wind[9:39 pm]

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